It was a quiet June evening on the outskirts of Tehran and our joyous trio was rather excited for dinner. It would be my first time going to an actual restaurant in Iran and my charming female hosts were very eager to show off their country to the visiting American.
Rania, a tenacious and glamorous 28-year old friend from Shiraz beamed, “We’re not at all like we’ve been portrayed in the West. You will see.” Leila, her soft-spoken, Tehrani cousin studying photography at university nodded along with a smile, tightly clutching the fancy Leica draped around her neck atop a loudly-patterned hijab in canary yellow. The duo would serve as my hosts, tour guides and companions as we passed from Tehran to Persia’s ancient capital at Persepolis, southward to Shiraz, and on to Isfahan, known as The Center of the World in the 17th century as the critical midpoint linking Europe to China along The Silk Road. Over the next two weeks, we would spend every waking hour together. Leila’s camera remained faithfully with us at all times. I would meet their families, extended family and friends. To protect their anonymity, I have modified names and sensitive details.
As we arrived closer to the restaurant, our gleeful stroll to my inaugural dinner was alarmingly interrupted by a menacing masculine voice. Frozen in our tracks, a uniformed stranger emerged from the street’s shadows directly onto the path in front of us. As he stepped under the glare of the lamp pole above, his appearance revealed a striking match to his gruff voice. His clownish uniform was a dystopian shade of green and accented with a schleppy dark beret which sat awkwardly atop his messy black hair. He ignored me entirely and I remained totally silent behind the women—who stood assertively on the mostly empty street—shoulder to shoulder, directly within his harsh gaze. I was terrified but Rania’s reassuring eyes gave me comfort.
The man’s weathered hands were strangely small, even sinister looking. With them, he motioned aggressively towards the sidewalk near Leila’s petite-sandaled feet whose toenails were covered in a soft shade of violet. I did not understand any of his obtrusive Farsi words—which were many—but what was unfolding was obvious. The man represented The Islamic Republic of Iran’s Morality Police, and his empowered eye deemed her flowy dress too revealing.
As the conversation’s tone escalated to an argumental pitch, the women remained completely calm and their silk hijabs barely moved in the night air. Despite his intensity, their body language radiated control, even confidence. I was both confused and scared. After a few minutes of charged discourse, unexpectedly, the tone of their voices mellowed and a détente was seemingly reached. As the dress’ hem was lowered by mere inches to fully cover her ankles, brusquely, the loutish man turned and hobbled away back into the darkness. In silence, we arrived to the restaurant for heaps of kebab koobideh, while also being offered some homemade moonshine, known as Aragh Sagim which amusingly translates to dog urine in Farsi. Before dinner’s end and our blue flower borage teas were finished two hours later, I noticed Leila quietly readjust the hem back to its heightened original length. I didn’t say a word but was mesmerized. Later, I would come to better understand the bravery and significance.
Four months thereafter in a nearly identical situation, that man’s Tehrani colleagues would stop and arrest 22-year old Masha Amini for the same offense—violating dress rules under the hijab law. But instead, Amini would be forcibly taken in, and in the custody of the state, would be violently tortured and brutally murdered. Her death would not only inspire and ignite a nation-wide revolution but later force Iran’s regime to formally suspend the Morality Police later that year.
My perspective of Persian people while in Iran was constantly illuminated by their plight and strength. I was offered a rare peek behind one of the most complex, misunderstood, and historically consequential civilizations the world has ever known.
Between Reform and Repression— The Two Irans
The past eighteen months in Iran have been the most dramatic of its last forty-five years—and marked by an extreme and widening divide between the people and the government. The Women, Life, Freedom Revolution of late 2022 & early 2023 courageously laid bare the pent-up anger with the Ayatollah’s hardline Islamic regime. More recently in July, following President Ebrahim Raisi’s sudden death in a helicopter crash, the surprising victory of a moderate heart surgeon reformer further echoed the progressive mood of the people.
But despite these dramatic events, the government remains as isolated from the Global North as ever. By accelerating its wartime support for Russia and its further alignment with Hamas & Hezbollah, Iran’s regime faces increasing isolation and remains staunchly at odds with some of the established world order.
These two Irans—the one of the government and the one of the people—underscore the growing chasm between a moderating populace and an authoritarian theocracy desperately clinging to power, rooted in the past. I will focus primarily on the Iran of the people, and the Persians I encountered during my time there.
Iconic Persian poet Rumi boldly proclaimed, “Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” As my humid Qatari flight approached Tehran after midnight, adrenaline and lukewarm bourbon yielded a brain fog of excitement, wonder and concern for what to come. All of my drink’s ice had melted as alcohol has been banned within Iranian airspace since 1979’s Islamic Revolution and the Imperial collapse of the 54-year Pahlavi reign.
The journey would not only reveal a litany of dramatic misconceptions but irradiate a beautifully-rich and consequential civilization riddled with a tumorous regime and lingering decades of oily Western interference. Most notably though, it would illuminate a class of resolute, misunderstood, and sophisticated women, that with history’s weight of enduring oppression, were not only just present and engaged but galvanized with both the callouses and strength to ignite a revolution only a few months away.
Tehran, the eight thousand year-old, second most populous city in the Middle East after Cairo with ~9 million inhabitants, is dramatically framed at the base of the soaring Alborz mountain range near the southern coast of the Caspian Sea. The majestically imposing snow-topped mountains peak at ~19,000 feet (well above the Swiss Alps or the Rocky Mountains) but were shrouded in black by darkness as we touched down.
As I stepped off the plane into the heart of a mysterious and misunderstood land with many names— Land of the Aryans, The First Superpower Empire, Parthia, The Cradle of Civilization, Persia, The Islamic Republic, W’s Axis of Evil— I was not prepared for, nor anticipated, the educational and inspiring front row seat to history I would receive from an unexpected star protagonist—Iranian women. The same group on the cusp of changing their country and the world by fearlessly and notoriously bringing Rumi’s 13th century words to consequence today, in real-time right before my eyes.
A Tea Date with The Supreme Leaders
A skinny, young Republican Guard clumsily presented me with a cup of hot tea which was garnished with a stick of children’s rock candy as we both awaited my border clearance from his superiors at Imam Khomeini International Airport. Even though I was the only passenger in the entire room—a separate kind of special arrivals building bemusingly named the Commercially Important Person’s Terminal— I was not alone but joined by two sets of darkish, aged eyes.
Regime founder Ruhollah Khomeini & current Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei (the longest serving leader in the Middle East) looked down at me from within a pair of worn-out wooden frames that were conspicuously positioned at the top of the wall near the ceiling in a kind of Sovietesque fashion. The pair loom over most spaces in the country— billboards, offices, restaurants, building facades, even some bathrooms— evoking Dr. T.J. Eckleberg’s Long Island billboard from Fitzgerald’s Gatsby.
As law requires, their photos appear in every building in the country and their Twelver Ja’afari Shissm deem them spiritual and political successors to Muhammad with divinely appointed authority on all matters of faith and law—essentially Iran’s version of 17th Century England’s Royal Divine Right. The duo’s extreme interpretation of Islam is rooted in the 8th century and has been portrayed as being brutally applied since coming to power.
As such, Iran has imprisoned many and executed more of its own than any other country globally over the past decade. Unsurprisingly, women, minorities and the LGBT community have bore the brunt of this. Beyond the treatment of these groups, Iran is currently imprisoning dozens of journalists and was ranked 177th by Reporters Without Borders in its 2023 World Press Freedom Index.
As I sipped my sugary tea facing Khomeini & Khamenei, I began to wonder if I was the first gay Alabama-native to enter the Islamic Republic since its founding 45 years ago. I had worried for months that my Westernness would cause problems. But my experience and the reality, as it relates to how I was treated by the people, were utterly to the contrary.
My treatment aside, life for gay and lesbian Iranians exists in the shadows, given homosexuality is punishable by death or flogging. Mere months after my visit, this reality was emphasized by the execution of two lesbians, Zahra Sedighi Hamedani and Elham Choubdar, who were convicted on the charge of spreading corruption on Earth.
Given the harsh landscape, many friends thought I was insane for making the trip. But like a Persian cat, I was just too curious. I had lied to my family and told my Mother & Father I was on a work trip in Istanbul. My Iranian friends assured me, though, I would be safe and having grown up in the Deep South of the 1980s & 1990s, I was very well versed in the performative role of heteronormativity.
For many LGBT in Iran, those who have the means often quietly move abroad to Turkey, France, the UK or USA, while fewer seek formal asylum. But for the majority who remain, life exists almost entirely in the closet. During our four days in the historic city of Shiraz, we were hosted by a striking 25-year old named Ziba, a friend of Rania. She would guide us to three of Shiraz’s stunning UNESCO World Heritage sites. Impressively, Iran boasts 28 such sites, the most of any country in the region, even outnumbering Greece, Japan and Egypt.
Ziba’s family had experienced the brutality of the regime first hand. During 2019’s nationwide protests against a 50% gas price hike (from roughly $0.25 to $0.36 per gallon) in response to American sanctions, her lesbian sister would be arrested and remain in police custody for two days. During the harsh interrogation, her phone was confiscated, and she was very distraught that officials would discover her secret— as like many gay Iranians, social media with VPN provides a safe outlet to connect with others. While her true identity was fortunately not discovered, she was emotionally impacted by the experience and feels on edge and more isolated than before.
For transgender Iranians though, their reality appears to be a surprisingly more positive one than for gays or lesbians. In 1987, Iran became one of the first countries in the world to both recognize transgender individuals and fully subsidize gender reassignment surgery. While this may seem progressive, the government views this as a correction for gender dysmorphia in accordance with Islam. To the negative, some gay men and lesbians feel compelled to undergo surgery to avoid severe persecution, ergo choosing between repression or body alteration.
Obviously, this challenging reality does not mean that there are no gays in the village, so to speak, or that gay life doesn’t exist. Gay social media applications are readily accessible online, as a solid majority of Persians use VPNs to bypass government internet filters. In fact, access to an unfiltered internet has been a major challenge to the regime’s legitimacy controlling the news flow and access to information. “The internet and VPN unveiled the regime’s lies. I don’t know anyone who trusts the government anymore,“ proclaimed Ziba.
Beyond the realities for LGBT, the restrictions on women’s attire, and the ban on alcohol, other regulations enforced by the regime for men and the broader population overall include limitations on political participation and dissent, strict media censorship, and the control of public behavior such as dancing and gender segregation for unmarried individuals. Although dancing is officially banned, we did so both privately and even publicly, and I remained with the women the entire trip. While the daily burden more heavily weighs on women and LGBT, all Iranians have developed ways to privately circumvent these restrictions in everyday life.
A Warm and Vibrant, Close-Knit Social Structure
Persians are extremely active socially and place a strong emphasis on close relationships with friends and family. Given the social restrictions and the fact that there are no bars in the country, socializing usually takes place in private residences. In Tehran, I attended two small house parties that looked like a party anywhere else in the world with women in Western clothes coupled with lots of dancing, laughter, cigarettes, food and drink.Moonshine and wine were also not uncommon through underground markets and homemade channels.
Both the parties and dinners were generally long drawn out events that went late, as culturally it’s completely normal to socialize on weekdays until three in the morning! Despite the political climate, city life at night is vibrant, with streets, public spaces, and parks bustling til late. In Shiraz, our group of six marked Shiraz Day, a celebration honoring the cultural significance of The Garden of Iran and The City of Poets, with a stunning courtyard dinner for forty people that included lots of dancing and a theatrical performance. As the only American and non-Persian, I was not only introduced to the crowd but recognized as the American guest with applause and cajoled to the make-shift stage to participate in the dramatic performance. The crowd was jovial and rowdy, with most tables self-serving alcohol not so discreetly. The hospitality towards me was remarkable and puzzling – especially based on Iran’s portrayal in the West. Didn’t I embody the enemy, The Great Satan (and a gay one)?
Socially, during my time in the county, there was one notable distinction from events in the West. I can declare with confidence, across the 70 countries I’ve visited, no one serves more food than Persians. The quantity of food for single meals were often two American meals or three European ones, with lavish spreads featuring a mix of spices, saffron rice, hearty stews, heavily seasoned kebabs, usually accompanied by tangy yogurt, pickles, and some bread. Because the food was so tasty and bountiful, Rania suggested we smoke some of the joint before most meals so we’d be able to get a taste of everything. Throughout the day in private homes, there was always a dramatic table spread with trays of a dozen or so bowls full of snacks, which felt like a childhood family reunion buffet—even if our family didn’t have Iran’s celebrated Beluga caviar from the Caspian Sea.
Beyond private events in big cities, there are weekend gatherings in nature and even Burning Man-like events that occur regularly across the nation’s grandiose landscape—amid the Great Salt or Lut Deserts, within the Zagros Mountains, or along the Caspian Sea. Sadly, I didn’t get to attend one of the events but they sounded like a more glamorous version of the keg parties we threw in high school on desolate farm land. Rania explained that with 75% of Iran’s 88 million people concentrated in urban areas, these gatherings are generally easy to pull off safely and discreetly, given the vastness of the countryside.
Across the country’s terrain between the cities, we covered nearly 1,000 miles together from Tehran in the central north down to Isfahan and on to Shiraz in the South approaching the Persian Gulf. The country’s geography is extremely varied with a dramatic tapestry of rugged mountain ranges, vast deserts, fertile coastal plains, and ancient forests that create a stark contrast between the arid and the lush. As echoed in Ben Afleck’s Argo, the landscape often feels like the surface of another planet—exotic, severe, and colorful.
The Iran of the People: A Supremely Secular Feminine Hospitality
My interactions with everyday Persians highlighted a crucial dynamic in understanding both the current state of Iran and its people. As I noted earlier, the ideological split between the government and the populace is significant. At not one moment was I treated rudely or even sensed an electron of negative energy from anyone. In fact, my presence was celebrated and would be lavished with the most striking graciousness and curiosity by my hosts and their friends. From royal-like accommodations, the relentless attention of my hosts and a bounty of legal & illegal gifts—such as a black charge card to buy whatever I wanted, luxe leather luggage, a giant sack of pistachios, and homemade Shiraz wine—my preconceived ideas of the people and culture melted away.
Rania & Leila explained that for decades, there have been two Irans— the public and the private, and that most Persians were more secular than religious. “Our generation has been living parallel lives since childhood. In fact, no one is better at this game than us…even the Catholics. Privately, we are just not religious, it is only the system we are forced to live under.”
Putting my treatment and the privileged circumstances my hosts facilitated on my behalf aside, I was equally struck by how positively I was treated by strangers in public, given my blatant Anglo-Saxonism. In restaurants, in shops and on the street, for some of these strangers, I would be the first American they’d ever met. In general, they wondered why I was there, what I thought of the country and if I was enjoying my visit. Iranians, by and large, have a favorable view of Western culture, particularly French and American, with a strong appetite for sports, fashion, academia, movies, and music. More than half of Iranians hold favorable opinions of Americans, and around 80% support increased cultural exchanges with the U.S.
But all the hospitality did not mean there is not an extreme distrust of the U.S. & Western governments heavily shaped by the last sixty years. Over this period, Western encroachment has most consequentially included the British-inspired 1953 coup against democratically-elected Prime Minister Mohammad Mosaddegh. Mosaddegh sought to audit the British-owned Anglo-Iranian Oil Company (now BP) to ensure it was paying its contracted royalties to Iran. When the audit was refused, Iran’s Parliament voted to nationalize the country’s oil industry. In response, MI6 and the CIA orchestrated the coup that initially failed but ultimately enabled Mohammed Reza Pahlavi’s return to power as Shah, setting the stage for his rule until the 1979 revolution.
But prior to the last half century, it’s impossible to write about Iran without touching on The Persian Empire’s immense historical impact and profound cultural heritage. I think it’s especially important because for many in the West, perceptions of the country are narrowly confined to the Islamic Republic years. This seven thousand year history is also crucial for understanding the psyche of the people, which often seems to be shaped by a consciousness that spans a far longer timeframe than those of us in the West. As one of the world’s oldest continuous civilizations, Iran was at the forefront of many advancements, including the establishment of the first multicultural and religiously tolerant society, the first declaration on human rights by Cyrus in 539 BCE, the first postal system, and the creation of one of the most complex centralized bureaucratic administrations of the ancient world.
But today, even despite US sanctions and inflation, Iran is far wealthier and more affluent than many realize, with a very sizable middle class and an economy comparable in size to Canada or Saudi Arabia, ranking 17th globally in GDP with respect to PPP. Despite the intensified challenges of the past several years, urban life is remarkably clean, modern, and comfortable. The economy is a mix of modern and traditional elements, with oil and gas, of course, manufacturing and tech, along with legacy industries like agriculture and bazaar-based trade.
Iran’s $1.5 trillion economy is supported by a strong emphasis on education. At home, families place great importance on academic achievement, with about 50% of high school graduates enrolling in higher education. Among them, around 60% are women, resulting in a more educated female populace compared to men. To attend college, high schoolers must take a competitive exam called the Konkur, which awards each student a single nationwide rank with lifelong repercussions. People are often openly identified and judged by this rank for life. “I was number 879,” beamed Rania—pretty damn impressive, considering there are about a million graduates each year. In the course of normal conversation, it’s entirely acceptable to ask someone their rank and I kind of love that.
Strong Women and a Modern Prince Standing Up to the Oppressors
For the overwhelming majority of Perians I met, Islam existed solely in a public sense as a set of rules to outwardly adhere. This was further illustrated in a sizable 2020 poll which showed more Persians identified as aestheists, agnostic or non-religious than Muslim. In fact, only 32% identified as Shi’ite Muslim, with more Persians describing themselves as non-religious, agnostic, or atheist.
The five mosques we visited were almost entirely empty, and in the streets, the daily calls to prayer were not as widely observed as I would have expected.
Beyond secularism, the women went on to explain that their reality in these two Irans couldn’t be more different. “In many ways, being a woman privately in Iran has its advantages. Persian women are exalted in the home and exist very differently compared to our neighbors. In fact, here we are better educated than the men. As women, we are able to pursue the education we choose even though the hair covering public performance remains.”
During our Isfahan visit, we were joined for dinner by Rania’s incredibly regal and dynamic Aunt, a successful orthodontist who runs a practice she founded currently serving several hundred patients. In Iran, women make up more than half of all medical students and account for roughly 40% of the healthcare workforce, (exceeding female participation rates in the U.S.). The country’s universal healthcare system is highly regarded internationally, including a medical tourism hub for plastic surgery. In fact, cosmetic surgery, especially rhinoplasty, is very common in Iran and as prevalent as in the U.S. or Brazil. Sipping on a glass of pomegranate wine with her hair fully exposed, she noted that her practice has grown steadily over the years and she now employs nine women.
For the private homes I visited and in everyday conversation, there was a distinctly matriarchal power and control, with the men showing almost complete deference to the women. I learned that for many families, especially in urban ones, women manage the household, control family finances, and often have the final say. Men frequently defer to their wives or mothers on matters ranging from the daily routine to big life choices. This hidden matriarchy stands in sharp contrast to the public image of male authority enforced by the state and misconceived Western stereotypes alike, illustrating the complex layers of gender roles here.
This embedded secularism and strong female presence are best personified by one magnetically alluring and historically significant figure, Empress Farah Diba Pahlavi, the Mother of Modern Iran. As the Shah’s wife and Empress (or Shahbanu as she is commonly known), she took a very active role in shaping Iran’s cultural and political spheres by advocating for women’s rights, the arts, social reforms, and even often serving as a diplomat abroad. Her contributions to the arts are significant, as Tehran’s Museum of Contemporary Art, which she founded, still today retains one of the largest and most impressive art collections in the world.
She fueled my curiosity about the country and dazzled the world at the 2,500-year celebration of the Persian Empire’s founding at Persepolis in 1971, where she played a central role as hostess of The World’s Biggest Party. An event that attracted 60 heads of state, making it the most attended event by royalty and heads of state to date, even more than any Olympics. The party took place in modern air-conditioned luxury tents which were set among the ancient ruins in the desert and cost an estimated half a billion dollars in today’s terms. While the event boosted Iran’s visibility as a modern economic power, domestically, it was seen as extravagant and fueled public discontent that ultimately contributed to the Shah’s downfall.
The Empress has lived in exile in Paris since the revolution but remains an important figure today. With the mullahs having thoroughly suppressed political dissent domestically, many believe the Pahlavi dynasty could play a significant role in a potential post-regime reformist government. In an exclusive interview with Rolling Stone MENA, Prince Davoud Pahlavi, a direct heir to the Peacock Throne, shared his hopes and wishes for his homeland.
“Adversity must serve to bring us together. Our only objective must be the liberation of our country, with our convictions which are based on democracy. Everyone must know that our fight today will allow everyone to be able to freely defend their beliefs in the free Iran of tomorrow. We are fortunate to have a natural charismatic leader in Prince Reza Pahlavi (the son of the former Shah and next in the line of succession for the Pahlavi dynasty). I think we will need everyone to rebuild our country,” asserted Pahlavi.
As a child, Pahlavi lived through the heyday of the Iranian monarchy before being forced into exile with his family to France. At 51, he is the proud father of two daughters and has actively spoken out against the mullahs’ regime and in support of women. In November of 2022, at the Luxembourg Palace in Paris he joined the Empress and Princess Noor Pahlavi. This historic family reunion reflected a unified stance by the Pahlavi’s, lending moral support to the opposition movement and showing solidarity with the women protesting.
“Just like my grandfather, Shahpoor Ali Reza, I am a royalist and nationalist loyal to my country as well as my family. The question of secularism does not arise because it is an integral part of the foundations of our values. Indeed, Pahlavism emerged from the constitutional revolution of 1906 and can be defined as the modern Iranian synthesis of the principles of national identity, state sovereignty, secularism, social progress, emancipation of women, economic liberalism and territorial integrity. Rooted in the ideology of constitutionalism, it is inspired by the culture of civilizations that have crossed our history for millennia,” he noted to Rolling Stone MENA.
In our interview, Pahlavi was joined by his fiancee, Atousa Jam, a PR Executive in London from a prominent Iranian family— a uniquely central and intimate bridge to both the Imperial Iran of the Shah, the current reality for women and the country’s future. Jam’s family includes an Imperial General under the Shah and a renowned scientist known as the Founding Father of Modern Chemistry there—after a recent visit to Iran, she reflected:
“When I think back to our ancient civilization, women held positions of power and influence. In Persian culture, women were celebrated for their fearlessness, which empowered us to achieve great things. Persian women are incredibly powerful and capable of excelling in any role, including leadership and even the military. I am confident that this legacy of courage will continue. With freedom in our hands, we will forge ahead together.”
Jam’s quote reminded me of the constant fearlessness I witnessed firsthand from Rania, Leila, Ziba and the other women who fearlessly stood up for themselves time after time before my eyes. The quote also echoed Rumi’s words from a thousand years earlier—”Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.”
Before my unlikely trip to Iran, these words would have all just existed as empty abstractions. But instead—as we finished the last cup of Aragh Sagim in the car at the airport— these words were now alive, because of the brave women sitting right in front of me.
Steven Barrow Barlow is a writer and entrepreneur based in Paris and Berlin. He focuses on overlooked groups along roads less traveled.
